Ah Halloween. That blessed time of the year when kids get to dress up like Batman, or Cinderella, or a freaky skeleton, or a zombie from zombie apocalypse, while running around neighborhoods terrorizing houses, ringing doorbells 537 times and screaming “TRICK OR TREAT” to get candy that will hype them up and make them act like absolute lunatics. Doesn’t it just sound heavenly? HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE.
My name is CC and if you don’t already know, I like to keep it real. And the truth of the matter is, I turn into a frightening human being the week of Halloween so I’m writing this blog post to make fun of myself. Because that’s what I do. I’m pretty positive that I suffer from some sort of Halloween Mom Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and in my defense, can you really blame me when you see these pictures? Let’s face it….Halloween can be a traumatic experience—when you’re a mom at least—which has inspired me to write a blog post for myself and all other moms out there who might be suffering from what I like to call Halloween Mom PTSD. Because laughter really is the best medicine and if I’m being honest, laughing about it might be the only thing that helps me survive this week.
TOP 10 Reasons I have Halloween Mom PTSD
10. YOUR KIDS WILL START TALKING ABOUT THEIR HALLOWEEN COSTUMES A YEAR IN ADVANCE. November 1st. Every dang year it happens on November 1st. I can’t even get them down off the candy high before they are all up in my grill talking about next years costumes. Did you see Suzy Smith’s costume? Suzy Smith’s mom hand made her costume and bought her a magic flying suit so she was a beautiful, magical flying fairy! Mom!!!! Can I have Suzy Smith’s magic flying fairy costume next year? Geez. No pressure. I want to say, HECK NO you can’t have Suzy Smith’s magic flying fairy costume and why in the world do we need to talk about something that is 364 days away by the way? So…Reason number 10 I have Halloween PTSD – they literally start talking about their costumes a year before Halloween and make me feel pressured to deliver top notch Halloween costumes which is NOT going to happen for me.
9. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOME HALLOWEEN SUPER MOM WHO MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A LOSER – This mom just so happens to be my best friend by the way. She’s like the Martha Freaking Stewart of Halloween costumes. One year, her daughter was the mad hatter and I kid you not, it looked like she just walked off the front cover of that Halloween costume magazine that comes in the mail — Chasing Fireflies or whatever it is called. She hand braided 172 braids in her hair so that her hair would be all crazy and sewed this amazing costume and did unreal makeup. That was the year my kid was the orange morph man with braces and I borrowed a set of pom poms and called it good for my daughter’s costume (see picture below).
8. SOMEONE (maybe even all three of your kids if you are lucky like me) WILL HAVE A MELTDOWN WHILE YOU ARE GETTING THEM DRESSED. You can count on it. If someone gave me 1 million dollars I would bet—without blinking an eye—that one of my kids is going to throw some sort of fit when it comes time to get dressed. It could be Baby Yoda, who by the way, has thrown a fit every single year to this day when it comes to getting dressed for Halloween. Or it might even be a sleeper pick like Princess Leia who is ticked off because “She doesn’t like the way you did her Princess Leia buns.” It might even be your preteen son who realizes that his costume selection really isn’t that great (even though you tried to convince him on numerous occasions that his selection maybe wasn’t the best idea). Insert whatever reason here ________ but I promise you, someone is going to throw a fit when it comes time to get dressed.
7. SOMEONE IS GOING TO HAVE A TERRIBLE COSTUME IDEA then get mad at you when they realize they look terrible and all you did was go along with the idea they were obsessed with for 364 days. Like I said, the perpetrator of #7 is usually a preteen. One time my oldest insisted on being Pikachu from Pokemon—you know that freaky little teddy bear/cat looking thing? He wanted a full yellow Pikachu body suit. You guys, he was already 5 feet tall at this point and I couldn’t get the horrific vision of a 5 foot tall pikachu walking around out of my head. I tried to convince him that we could come up with a better idea and he wasn’t having it. Finally, he mentioned it in front of one of my best friends and she burst into laughter. Thank goodness after that, he realized I was right and didn’t push the Pikachu idea any further. He did, however, push the orange morph suit idea. Again, I tried to convince him that maybe it wasn’t the best idea. He wanted no part of listening to me. So, I bought him the orange morph suit. On the day of Halloween when he put it on, he instantly turned into Mr. Bad Attitude. Suddenly everything was my fault. I was the bad guy because his costume—that HE INSISTED on having—looked dorky. So again, I give you #7. Someone will have a terrible costume idea then it will be your fault on Halloween Day when they realize it was a bad idea.
6. SOMEONE WILL HAVE A COSTUME MALFUNCTION- You’ve run to the costume store every day for two weeks. You have 357 costume pieces laid out and ready to go. You have tried the costumes on and have prepared for every scenario. Then it happens….Princess Leia’s buns are a disaster; the sandal to your little Roman soldier breaks when you put it on and you are left scrambling around at t minus 30 seconds until Halloween starts to find a suitable alternative. SOMEONE, will always have a costume malfunction at the last moment. Yep, you know the drill. HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
5. SOMEONE WILL GET LOST ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT – You’ve had the talks. You’ve prepped them on staying together and staying by you. But without fail, one of your kids is going to run off into the night and you will be left screaming little Timmy’s name into the darkness like a lunatic. It’s like a scene from a bad horror movie—clowns and batmans and Darth Vaders running around in utter chaos while you search for your kid that has disappeared. Yep, HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO YOU.
4. SOMEONE WILL GET PISSED BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T GET AS MUCH CANDY AS EVERYONE ELSE – This happens every year and I’m not going to name names but it’s usually Cohen. Ok I named names but he deserves it. Seriously one year I walked in and he was flipping out and screaming, saying that it wasn’t fair that he didn’t get as much candy. I sat there and watched as his older brother and sister took candy out of their bags and gave it to him. You would think it has gotten better as he has gotten older but nope, it still happens and I guarantee it will happen this year. If Cohen doesn’t come up on the winning end of trick or treating, it’s ugly for everyone.
3. SOMEONE WILL LOSE THEIR TRICK OR TREAT BAG and be forced to use a Wal-Mart sack. Oh wait. This is only me? Well nonetheless it happens every single year without fail. Last year both my boys had to use plastic Wal-Mart sacks for their trick or treat bags. I’m winning ZERO awards for Halloween mom of the year, that’s for sure.
2. SOMEONE WILL LOSE A KEY ITEM TO A COSTUME. It will happen. You’ve told them a million times not to try on their costume without you, not to mess with it, and to leave it alone. But those little stinkers will find a way to sneak into the Halloween stash and try it on. For instance, there was the year that Cohen was the Roman soldier and despite being told one million times not to try on his costume, he did. SHOCKER. He lost a shoe and a sword if I remember correctly and it was not pretty when he went to get dressed. Someone always loses a key item to their Halloween costume which leaves the mom running around like a lunatic trying to piece together something that will work. Or maybe this is just me. It’s probably just me because I am the worst Halloween mom ever.
AND THE #1 REASON I HAVE HALLOWEEN MOM PTSD – Because even though your kids have been talking about and planning their Halloween costumes for 364 days, every single one of them ABSOLUTELY, with 100 percent accuracy, WILL change their costume ideas at least 100 times on the week of Halloween. This is the part that makes me feel like I’m going to have to be admitted to the hospital you guys. How in the world can kids that have been talking about what they will be for Halloween and planning it for 364 days for goodness sake, suddenly change their minds the week of Halloween? Can we just band together and REFUSE TO ALLOW THIS PLEASE?!? I think on November 1st this year I’m going to make mine sign a contract that whatever they are saying they want to be, they have to be that and can’t change their mind. Like I need this written in stone you guys so I don’t lose my mind. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE YOUR HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEA ON THE WEEK OF HALLOWEEN. It is risking your mom’s sanity. PERIOD.
To all you other moms out there suffering from Halloween Mom PTSD…I SEE YOU. I see Timmy in that adorable Minions costume and I know the hours of hard labor that you put into it. I see Suzy in her magic fairy costume and I know the hell you had to go through to make it happen. So cheers to you. I hope you make it through this week without a Halloween Mom PTSD flair up.
You better be stocked up on wine and chocolate though just in case. Just saying.
Oh yes, and HAPPY FREAKING HALLOWEEN EVERYONE. I hope you enjoy this walk down memory lane from past Halloweens. I’m pretty sure it will give you an idea as to why I suffer from Halloween Mom PTSD.
Oh yes and if Halloween week isn’t enough we’ve decided to throw in the One Room Challenge so make sure to look for the week 4 post coming Thursday. You can see our week 2 and week 3 progress as well. Happy Halloween week AND One Room Challenge week.
